It was almost one and a half month that we found that we were pregnant. Both of us are equally excited about our first-born. But along with the joyride that pregnancy brings in, there are a number of perennial hazards too that an expectant couple face. While the mom actually goes through the pain and all body changes, the dad is the one who deals with all the mood swings and at the same time ensures enough treatment and care for the mom.

Here, I am talking about morning sickness, which is the most common phenomenon during pregnancy.

As we woke up one morning, my wife started complaining about certain restlessness that she was going through. During our last visit to the clinic, our doctor warned us about morning sickness during the initial phase of pregnancy. So, I was a little prepared for the situation. So, I asked her what was wrong. When she ensured me that it was just a little nausea and nothing else, I started planning my day. As soon as I was about the leave the home for work, she told me that she was staying home, as she was really not feeling well.

I tried to understand how she was actually feeling. She said that initially it was only nausea but later she threw up twice during and after bath. As suggested by our doctor, we both agreed that she should stay home and take rest, because morning sickness also occurs due to lack of sleep.  Second thing I did was, I opened all the windows of the home to allow some fresh air to come in. But my wife was still feeling unwell. So, I tried to make her feel better by spraying some of her favorite perfume onto her palm. Well, thank God, I tried that! She started feeling much better.

I made sure to keep enough drinking water close to her, because she needs to be well-hydrated during the stage. My wife does not want to eat a full plate of food since she has gotten pregnant. So I kept sufficient portion of her favorite food items into the refrigerator. And I left for work. When I came back later that day, my wife was completely okay. I thought it was over, but little did I know what were there in store for me in the next couple of mornings.

Next morning, after I came out of the washroom after having a bath, my wife started feeling unwell, just like the previous day. I repeated what I did last day. She again felt sick in the next morning, same time. At that moment, something occurred to me! Our doctor once mentioned that morning sickness is mainly smell-associated and is often random. It’s difficult to draw a pattern. But if you can find a pattern, maybe you can treat it too. Yes, I found out that the main reason for my wife’s morning sickness was the fragrance of my shaving cream, which I used to apply every morning.

As I found out the reason, I immediately got rid of it. Now my wife’s morning sickness is very random, as expected.

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The world showers its attention on mums-to-be. This totally makes sense as she’s the one who does all the hard work to bring that bundle of joy into this world. But have you ever thought about what the dad-to-be is going through? Just like expectant moms, dads too go through a new experience during pregnancy. This is true, especially for first-time fathers who are yet to come to acknowledge this role transition and the added responsibility in their lives. Sometimes, they are not even able to come to terms with their own feelings of apprehension, anticipation, and nervousness.

Listening during pregnancy comes naturally to women. However, dads too need to do their groundwork, be supportive and constantly interact with their partners. This preparedness and knowledge helps dads to be able to adequately encourage their partners during labour and the birthing process.

So this is what you can do as an expectant dad:

Do the Groundwork

Now is the time to work on knowledge during the childbirth education classes. Get to know how your partner’s body is changing and the circumstances in which she may need a C-section. Being aware of this will make the labour and delivery experience less frightening. Being composed will allow you to focus on your partner’s needs during this time.

Labour is Time-consuming

It may be several hours before your partner is ready to be rolled into the delivery room. Until such time, she may be asked to walk around and you should be able to assist her in moving around as much as possible. Bring along the iPod or even a deck of cards that will help distract her.

Worrying Is Not Your Best Friend

You may see tons of action in the delivery and believe you me; you will not understand half of what’s happening around you. Ask the nurse, if there’s something that you don’t understand. If your partner is given an epidural, you may be asked to step outside the room. Don’t be afraid, as this is standard procedure in most birthing centres.

Understand Your Partner’s Needs

Once your partner is almost on the verge, the breathing exercises and massage techniques may just fly out of the window. Try and understand what your partner requires at this time; for some, it could just be a back rub, or possibly help to breathe and relax. Some partners may be downright hostile. Judge the situation as best as you can and act accordingly.

Be Prepared: Things Can Get a Wee Bit Messy!

The birthing experience can be unpleasant. You may hear noises from your partner that you’ve probably never imagined in your wildest dreams. It’s your responsibility to remain calm and keep encouraging her to do her best. Whilst she may not even pay attention to what you are saying, your familiar voice will keep reassuring her to push.

Enjoy Your First Meeting

The first sight of your very own baby makes all the other stuff worth it. You’d even do it again.

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It was middle of the week. I just called it a night after a long and tiring day and went to sleep after tucking in my 7 months pregnant wife. That day I came home a little early because I promised my wife that I would cook for her. All her favorite dishes. After dinner, we went out for strawberry ice cream, as my wife was craving for that. However, we had our ice cream and went back. It was time to go to the bed. As I was about to retire for the day, my wife said that she loved the ice cream and was still craving for some. I promised her that I would stock it up the next day.

At the middle of the night, I woke up at a loud sound at the kitchen. As I opened my eyes, I saw my wife was not there by my side. I rushed to the kitchen and found out that she was frantically looking for something in the refrigerator. When I asked her, she said that she was hungry and also wanted to have some dessert. It was 2.30 am in the morning. I relooked at all the stacks in the refrigerator and there was no dessert in there. I asked her what she was exactly looking for, so I could prepare it or go out and buy it. She said, “I would like to have some pasta and strawberry ice cream”. Yes, that strawberry ice cream! I wish I would have bought some extra in the evening.

I tried to make her understand that it was the wee hour of the night and even if I go out, I might not be able to get her that ice cream. But she was quite I-don’t-care mode. So, first I cooked her pasta and then ventured out to get her that strawberry ice cream. Luckily for me, I found the ice cream at the nearest gas station. Phew! So I bought a whole bar for her. I opened the front door of the house and I found that she was waiting for me in the living room. As she saw me, she literally snatched the ice cream from my hand and started eating it from the packet itself. And when I looked at the table near her, I noticed that she hardly touched the pasta. So, it was only the ice cream, or strawberry ice cream to be precise.

She finished half of the bar alone that night. But I was happy, as she was happy! Next day I started thinking what should I do to cope up with her midnight cravings. Should I buy some strawberry ice cream in bulk? What if she craves for chocolate ice cream the next night? What if she craves for pizzas instead? Should I buy some pizzas as well? Well, the conclusion I drew that day could sound pretty scary to expecting fathers. You can never ever predict what your wife would be craving for at midnight. So, always prepare yourself for the weirdest surprise. But as you will witness the broadest smile of her face, you will realize that it’s worth all your time and effort. Trust me!

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Expectations, anticipation and disenchanted reality of a prenatal visit. 

It was coming up to 8 weeks of pregnancy and we were both preparing for our first prenatal doctor’s appointment. I wanted to be there with my wife right from the very beginning of this journey and get to know everything first hand. I was more than happy to reshuffle my agenda for the day. Lifestyle changes had already begun; work schedules were also being tossed around.

During the past 8 weeks, my wife and I had already discussed the sort of medical guidance we wanted for us during this special journey in our lives. Someone who would be understanding and would have the patience to deal with the concerns of first-time parents like us. We asked around quite a fair bit. Whilst speaking to an old friend, he recommended a gynecologist who he’d consulted for his wife a couple of months ago. On digging a little more, I found out that the doc had a fine reputation and was very popular with young couples. I guess, we’d found the doctor we wanted!

We arrived at the birthing center well in time for the appointment. Giving our names to the Receptionist we waited for the doctor to arrive. There were so many couples and women at various stages of the pregnancy waiting along with us. I vividly remember the room. A light pink and blue combination wallpaper decorated with tons of baby photos. A standee on the side stood with a really graphical representation of all the pregnancy trimesters. My wife picked up few pamphlets and started leafing through them. This room really felt like a “happy place”. Lots of positive energy and glow filled the room.

As we waited, more and more couples arrived but there was still no sign of the doctor. I know this is India and doctors and trains rarely stick to their timetables. But I was nervous and couldn’t wait to get into that consultation room. I had tons of questions that I wanted to ask the doctor and I was eagerly waiting to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time. To me, that meant a great deal. It would actually seal the deal; reinforce the fact that I was going to be responsible for that little human being that I helped create.

We’d already been waiting for over an hour and I was determined to find out the reason for the delay. The clock turned another 15 minutes and I was just about gearing up to go to the Receptionist to find out what the problem was. The Receptionist came out into the Visitor’s room and announced that the doctor had an emergency normal delivery to deal with and wouldn’t be able to take the scheduled appointments for the day.

And I felt so let down. The thrill, the excitement that I was feeling throughout the day just evaporated. I know, the situation was such that I should understand. Labour pain and deliveries don’t always follow the timetable. I guess, I found some solace in the fact that I was nearly halfway there today. I’ve rescheduled and hope to go all the way into the consultation room with the doctor tomorrow. Finger’s crossed!

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The beginning of my Dad journey…

It was just past noon and whilst my lovely wife was in the bathroom, I was furiously pacing outside the door. The bathroom door opened and there she was with the biggest smile on her face and tears rolling down her rose-blushed cheeks. She was ecstatic. She waved the test and I saw that it was positive. My first thought was of pure joy and relief. I remember telling her, “can you really believe it?”, “Are you happy?”, “Does it really say that you are pregnant?” We stood in the doorway for god knows how long, hugging and crying before finally calming down.

The “moment you find out” is quite unique and it was finally sinking in. It reminds me of that singular moment in life when you hold your breath and then heave those pleasurable gasps after a chest-achingly long time. A combination of being euphoric on finding out as well as the sweet relief of the long-endured fight of trying to, engulfed us all around.

We’d been trying to get pregnant for quite some time and our gynaecologist had told us that it wasn’t going to be an easy path for us. This challenging personal experience for us was a mirror of what was happening with many of our friends and some relatives too. The entire experience of winning the battle against childlessness seemed just imbalanced. The wrongness is amplified by the sense that the act of getting pregnant should be uncomplicated and the most enjoyable thing in the world to do.

I’ve seen the tightly-managed disappointment and setback turn out to be merely the opening act for a massive emotional ocean of antagonism, hopelessness, grief, resentment, embarrassment and remorse at being envious or not interested in others’ swift stork deliveries.

But all that is in the past.

Now that it has actually happened to us, it is such an unreal feeling; something that I’ve never lived through before and doubt I ever will again. Marriage is colossal, buying a house is massive, but making a human… is mammoth. I could not wait to scream it out of the rooftop.

I started visualising what a fantastic dad I was going to be; not that I’ve had any practice before. I would need to change a million things about myself, my lifestyle, to be able to be that great dad; but I am prepared to make all those changes. No more reckless drinking and takeout every night, no more sleeping until 8:30am on workdays.

Right now, I am just excited beyond my wildest dreams and maybe a little frightened too. But today, I only want to share this joy and pride with my beautiful wife. I have no doubt that she is feeling the same thrill. After all, we did this together!

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