It was middle of the week. I just called it a night after a long and tiring day and went to sleep after tucking in my 7 months pregnant wife. That day I came home a little early because I promised my wife that I would cook for her. All her favorite dishes. After dinner, we went out for strawberry ice cream, as my wife was craving for that. However, we had our ice cream and went back. It was time to go to the bed. As I was about to retire for the day, my wife said that she loved the ice cream and was still craving for some. I promised her that I would stock it up the next day.

At the middle of the night, I woke up at a loud sound at the kitchen. As I opened my eyes, I saw my wife was not there by my side. I rushed to the kitchen and found out that she was frantically looking for something in the refrigerator. When I asked her, she said that she was hungry and also wanted to have some dessert. It was 2.30 am in the morning. I relooked at all the stacks in the refrigerator and there was no dessert in there. I asked her what she was exactly looking for, so I could prepare it or go out and buy it. She said, “I would like to have some pasta and strawberry ice cream”. Yes, that strawberry ice cream! I wish I would have bought some extra in the evening.

I tried to make her understand that it was the wee hour of the night and even if I go out, I might not be able to get her that ice cream. But she was quite I-don’t-care mode. So, first I cooked her pasta and then ventured out to get her that strawberry ice cream. Luckily for me, I found the ice cream at the nearest gas station. Phew! So I bought a whole bar for her. I opened the front door of the house and I found that she was waiting for me in the living room. As she saw me, she literally snatched the ice cream from my hand and started eating it from the packet itself. And when I looked at the table near her, I noticed that she hardly touched the pasta. So, it was only the ice cream, or strawberry ice cream to be precise.

She finished half of the bar alone that night. But I was happy, as she was happy! Next day I started thinking what should I do to cope up with her midnight cravings. Should I buy some strawberry ice cream in bulk? What if she craves for chocolate ice cream the next night? What if she craves for pizzas instead? Should I buy some pizzas as well? Well, the conclusion I drew that day could sound pretty scary to expecting fathers. You can never ever predict what your wife would be craving for at midnight. So, always prepare yourself for the weirdest surprise. But as you will witness the broadest smile of her face, you will realize that it’s worth all your time and effort. Trust me!

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Expectations, anticipation and disenchanted reality of a prenatal visit. 

It was coming up to 8 weeks of pregnancy and we were both preparing for our first prenatal doctor’s appointment. I wanted to be there with my wife right from the very beginning of this journey and get to know everything first hand. I was more than happy to reshuffle my agenda for the day. Lifestyle changes had already begun; work schedules were also being tossed around.

During the past 8 weeks, my wife and I had already discussed the sort of medical guidance we wanted for us during this special journey in our lives. Someone who would be understanding and would have the patience to deal with the concerns of first-time parents like us. We asked around quite a fair bit. Whilst speaking to an old friend, he recommended a gynecologist who he’d consulted for his wife a couple of months ago. On digging a little more, I found out that the doc had a fine reputation and was very popular with young couples. I guess, we’d found the doctor we wanted!

We arrived at the birthing center well in time for the appointment. Giving our names to the Receptionist we waited for the doctor to arrive. There were so many couples and women at various stages of the pregnancy waiting along with us. I vividly remember the room. A light pink and blue combination wallpaper decorated with tons of baby photos. A standee on the side stood with a really graphical representation of all the pregnancy trimesters. My wife picked up few pamphlets and started leafing through them. This room really felt like a “happy place”. Lots of positive energy and glow filled the room.

As we waited, more and more couples arrived but there was still no sign of the doctor. I know this is India and doctors and trains rarely stick to their timetables. But I was nervous and couldn’t wait to get into that consultation room. I had tons of questions that I wanted to ask the doctor and I was eagerly waiting to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time. To me, that meant a great deal. It would actually seal the deal; reinforce the fact that I was going to be responsible for that little human being that I helped create.

We’d already been waiting for over an hour and I was determined to find out the reason for the delay. The clock turned another 15 minutes and I was just about gearing up to go to the Receptionist to find out what the problem was. The Receptionist came out into the Visitor’s room and announced that the doctor had an emergency normal delivery to deal with and wouldn’t be able to take the scheduled appointments for the day.

And I felt so let down. The thrill, the excitement that I was feeling throughout the day just evaporated. I know, the situation was such that I should understand. Labour pain and deliveries don’t always follow the timetable. I guess, I found some solace in the fact that I was nearly halfway there today. I’ve rescheduled and hope to go all the way into the consultation room with the doctor tomorrow. Finger’s crossed!

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The beginning of my Dad journey…

It was just past noon and whilst my lovely wife was in the bathroom, I was furiously pacing outside the door. The bathroom door opened and there she was with the biggest smile on her face and tears rolling down her rose-blushed cheeks. She was ecstatic. She waved the test and I saw that it was positive. My first thought was of pure joy and relief. I remember telling her, “can you really believe it?”, “Are you happy?”, “Does it really say that you are pregnant?” We stood in the doorway for god knows how long, hugging and crying before finally calming down.

The “moment you find out” is quite unique and it was finally sinking in. It reminds me of that singular moment in life when you hold your breath and then heave those pleasurable gasps after a chest-achingly long time. A combination of being euphoric on finding out as well as the sweet relief of the long-endured fight of trying to, engulfed us all around.

We’d been trying to get pregnant for quite some time and our gynaecologist had told us that it wasn’t going to be an easy path for us. This challenging personal experience for us was a mirror of what was happening with many of our friends and some relatives too. The entire experience of winning the battle against childlessness seemed just imbalanced. The wrongness is amplified by the sense that the act of getting pregnant should be uncomplicated and the most enjoyable thing in the world to do.

I’ve seen the tightly-managed disappointment and setback turn out to be merely the opening act for a massive emotional ocean of antagonism, hopelessness, grief, resentment, embarrassment and remorse at being envious or not interested in others’ swift stork deliveries.

But all that is in the past.

Now that it has actually happened to us, it is such an unreal feeling; something that I’ve never lived through before and doubt I ever will again. Marriage is colossal, buying a house is massive, but making a human… is mammoth. I could not wait to scream it out of the rooftop.

I started visualising what a fantastic dad I was going to be; not that I’ve had any practice before. I would need to change a million things about myself, my lifestyle, to be able to be that great dad; but I am prepared to make all those changes. No more reckless drinking and takeout every night, no more sleeping until 8:30am on workdays.

Right now, I am just excited beyond my wildest dreams and maybe a little frightened too. But today, I only want to share this joy and pride with my beautiful wife. I have no doubt that she is feeling the same thrill. After all, we did this together!

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